20240119--小創評文？

 其實我現在不太知道在這種創作茶會該說些什麼了，因為我對大多數寫作的沒什麼感覺。

想要去解剖、分析已經變成某種本能，但是如果作品不夠優秀的話，那麼對於作品的解析就只是浪費時間。現在的我不想浪費時間。那該怎麼辦呢？我習以為常的閱讀理解方式既然不能使用，那我自然說不出什麼東西。

我以前是怎麼做的？既然要評文，那當然一定要有些標準。標準，這個標準一給出來，就會有人有意見了。我好像沒有辦法很好地處理異議。不過這不是重點。而且大多數時候都是因為異議者的論證實在沒有說服力。

好，這篇英文寫作，我該用什麼角度去給他回饋呢？一個人寫東西出來之後會想聽到什麼？會不想聽到什麼？會想聽到自己的目的達成這點被察覺，會想聽到某些自己也認為有疏失的部分如何改進；不想聽到的是一套自己無法認同的標準、不想聽到的是顯然沒有好好讀自己寫的東西就給出來的意見。

綜上所述，如果我想要給出一個讓聽者開心的評文，首先要做的是正確理解這個作者想表達什麼。這種對作者意圖的探索顯然不是我習以為常的讀法。等一下要去圖書館借書印書還書。

好，目前這個作者只寫了一個Prologue, and what does a prologue should atim at? It should make people want to know more about the story. It should set a tone. It should provide a hook. It shoud be a page-turner. So, does this prologue achieve these aims? 

First of all, I think the details and the event is not balanced. Or, we can say, I think more content is needed. All the information we have from this prologue is that there's cult, witch, weird creatures, the protagonist is about to be adopted. Well, is quite informative actually, but not in an interesting way. 

A cold opener should be a helpful reference. What does a cold opener do? It provides an interesting event that makes the audience wants to read more. So this prologue may need some extension. It will need more event to catch the audiences' attention. How? And what kind of content should this have? Maybe make the scence more dynamic. Maybe make the characters have wittier conversation. Maybe provide even mroe informations. 

By the way, does the name Wendi come from Windigo/Wendigo, the Canadian monster? If so, that's pretty interesting. 

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So, here we go.

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I haven't talk about non-academic writings for a long time. So I will need to construct a standard to initiate the discussion. 

First of all, I noticed this piece of writing is a Prologue. Methink a prologue is the beginning of a story, for it is the very first thing the reader will read. But this very first thing might have some missions. I would expect a prologue to (1) set the tone of the story; (2) frame the latter parts of the story; (3) hook the reader to crave for more; (4) tell us something about the story without making it explicit. 

These standards are not official, but I will use them to talk about this peice of writing for the sake of clarity.

(1)When it comes to the tone of this story, I can sense some sort of wittiness of the writer, but she doesn't utilize it as much as I would call the prologue entertaining. For example, I really like sentences like: "Why do these cults always have to hide stuff inside corpses"

"In tactic agreement, the last coffin they raided was the one in the middle"

Something like this. But if the sarcasitc tone is not what you want, you can also try to avoid it now that you know I like the sarcastic lines.

Other than these lines, I find the writing okay. But you will need to deal with the grammar, as you addressed already.

(2) If this prologue is framing the story, I think you should write more about the mystical creatures. I like the quasi-Gothic setting of the prologue, but I would want MORE of it. The readers will not be moved by merely mummies, corpses, and cults. We are bloodthristy barbarians. Quench or thirst. If it's dark, make it darker. If it's not, you might as well make push it to the extreme.

However, if the gothic atmosphere is not what you want, you may want to focus on the interactions between the characters. That is to say, you may want to show us, if that's what you're good at, how well you're going to make your characters interact.

In short, I think you will need more drama, more action, more conversation, and more tension in this prologue. Or you should just keep writing. As a reader I will want to know what you are to offer. That's what I mean by framing: what should the reader expect? how should the reader read? I think you might want to work on that.

By the way, the Wendigot reference, if that's truly a reference, may be a good framing technique, whether you've done it on purpose or not.

(3) I really think this story could use some more hooks, ways to make the readers want to keep reading. I would say a prologue should be something like a Cold Opener. It has to be interesting, make the audiences want to know what's happening next, and it doesn't really need much information. Good examples can be found from Rick and Morty. In this case, and in this media (letters), I think what you need is to start the story with some witty lines or an exciting action. Or, you may start with the duo exploring the setting, as if they are investigating something in an interesting way. Like, focuse on the gloom, the environment . . . and then something memorable--a witty line or a monster.

(4) Well this prologue is somehow informative, but I think you will need more non-informative contents to balance the amount of information you have right now. Write more!

By the way, does the name Wendi come from Windigo/Wendigo, the Canadian monster? If so, that's pretty interesting.